The end of an era

Today, A. handed me her resignation letter. It wasn't unexpected at all, but I had still hoped against all hope that it wouldn't arrive. Being quite stressed about something else that I had to do, I wasn't at all sure how to react, except to ask her where she was going. I knew in my heart that I couldn't persuade her to stay, so I uselessly filled the silence by asking her, over and over again, the questions she already said she wouldn't answer.

I will really miss her. I keep thinking back tonight to the first day she arrived in the office, newly transferred from another newspaper. Of course I knew her, but in a very real sense I didn't either. We had the kind of false familiarity that came with having lots of mutual friends and having our paths cross very fleetingly in university. Still, I remember instinctively wanting very much to connect with her and be her friend. So I told her pretty much everything about myself and what I was thinking about, laying myself open pretty bare.

Over the years, she has been my one confidante and sounding board. As I shakily made the transition to "management", I have never really thought of myself as a proper department or section head. As long as A. was around and I could discuss things with her, it felt very much like being in a high school drama - us the high school seniors navigating tricky turns in the road with a bunch of juniors in tow. And there were never any dead end streets with A., together we would always find a way out. So she remains one of the main reasons why it's still fun to come in to work.

F. said that A's leaving is the end of an era, but she didn't know what of. For me it's pretty clear. It's the end of a working relationship that has influenced and become a large part of office life and my style of leadership. It's the difference between having a partner-in-crime and going it alone. It's the start of what I've been pretty much dreading - real life, growing up, getting serious and making adult decisions.

I'm happy for her because I think the organisation has become incapable of giving her what she wants. And instead of waiting around for something to happen, it's good that she's decided to make a change for herself. Again, as with K., I feel the loss not just because she is my friend, but also because she is one of the few people I've met here that truly has what it takes running through her veins.

We'll all have to move on, but it's clear that life in the office won't be the same again.