You Keep It All In

It's been almost a month since I posted anything here. Several times I tried but nothing ever went beyond being just a draft awaiting publication. So for the sake of just documenting what's going on right now with me, here is a list of (seemingly) random thoughts on this humid mid-March night.

1. I'm going to a retro party tomorrow but I don't have any retro clothes. And anything that looks vaguely retro in my closet doesn't vaguely fit anymore.

2. "300" was a lot more fabulous and stylish than I expected, and in my mind at least, approaches the lofty heights of "Gattaca".

3. A year after the breakup with C., I think my feelings are finally beginning to settle down. Yes I messaged him on the one-year anniversary of the breakup, but I didn't think much about the message or his lack of a response after that. And I realised that I was messaging partly because I told myself specifically to never forget that day or that date.

4. What I am thinking about, however, is that I might finally be ready to commit to a relationship again - because I'm starting to feel some very real feelings again for someone. I think I totally underestimated how much I actually do like E.

5. I also discovered how much I really like The Beautiful South, which split up last month after 19 years together. I'll really miss having them release these fiercely smart, cynical yet optimistic albums every few years or so that leave you strangely upbeat about life and love.

The perfect love song it has no words it only has death threats
And you can tell a classic ballad by how threatening it gets
So if you walk into your house and she's cutting up your mother
She's only trying to tell you that she loves you like no other
No other, she loves you like no other.
- "Something That You Said", Choke (1990)

This reign of plastic that replaced the reign of gold
Couldn't have known that you would feel so undersold
If love was built on hindsight then you surely would have seen
You were joining hands with the Tupperware Queen
Yes you gave a groan when I took that throne
But can you choose a queen when you behave like a drone
Where the silverware's not expected and certainly never been
That's the ideal kingdom of this Tupperware Queen
- "Tupperware Queen", Painting It Red (2000)

When was the last time you felt so happy you had to give yourself a good pinch
When did you ever feel one of life's highs without using stepladder or winch
That's why the lifeless crave the past 'cause when they're flogged, stoned, lynched
They can watch the living fizzle out to nought without even moving one inch
That's what keeps you alive
The thought of undeserved death
That's why cynics deep-sea dive
Just to watch someone healthy lose breath
That's what really makes you tick
When the fearless are stopped in their tracks
Optimism looks up counts the stars
Pessimism looks down and counts cracks
- "Life vs The Lifeless", Gaze (2003)