A scrappy end to a scrappy year
Three hours more to the end of the Year of the Fire Dog 2006. I've just finished reunion dinner at my parents' place and will be out hitting the clubs soon. So I'm taking this time of quiet in between to reflect on what a year it's been.
Every time CNY rolls around, I dutifully scour the web for horoscope predictions for the coming year. Looking through what was written last year, I've realised that I read these things really quite selectively. I can remember reading the good stuff ("The Rat can expect much success at work this busy and satisfying year, with all the financial renumeration that entails. Although he feels oppressed by his many obligations, he industriously fulfills them."), but I definitely filtered out the negative stuff and the warnings ("However, a new love affair brings tension and the threat of a painful breakup unless the Rat learns to listen, becomes more giving, and exercises tolerance and understanding of his partner's real needs.").
This year, I'm reading through the predictions more carefully. I've read maybe 10 of them so far, with some common themes emerging:
(a) success in business and career,
(b) expansion of social networks, especially business contacts and friends, and
(c) a love affair that will excite me, but also "fog my usually clear mind" (haha).
In any case, I'm glad the Dog year is coming to an end. Although it's true that I've had a very full year with plenty of new experiences and accomplishments (I've learnt a lot at work this year), romantically it's been pretty much quite dire. And in this area, the Dog reared its ugly head even as the last days of the year ran out.
E. and I broke up about a week ago after I came back from Hongkong. Although I like him very much and still think there is some potential for us later, I'm clearly not ready yet for another relationship. Maybe it's because I'm not totally over the hump with the break-up with C. yet, but there's also a part of me that wants to play on, and this isn't really the right attitude for a relationship. I think E. probably realises all of this, but he perhaps cannot accept what this translates to on a daily basis (infidelities, for example). He feels deeply about love and relationships and is entitled to have one with someone who will give him what he wants and deserves. Maybe that person, right now, isn't me.
Feeling a little emotional on Valentine's Day, I emailed C.'s new guy E. to remind him how precious C. is (at least to me), attaching the V-Day tribute I wrote C. last year. This started an exchange of messages between us. I heard from friends that E. has been wanting to "make peace" between us, so I think he took this opportunity to try to reach out to me. I'm not sure if he succeeded, because though he put things nicely and apologised for causing me hurt, he also ended up lecturing me about love.
Maybe I'm just being bitchy and unkind to him. But I just find it a little disturbing that someone is telling his boyfriend's ex that he (a) got dumped and (b) cannot get over it, because he is (unlike me) selfish, weak and muddled about life and love. I'll assume that he means well (being a graduate of the Landmark Forum and all), but there is also every possibility (given what people have told me about him) that this is just power play on his part.
Anyway, a tumultous end to a tumultous year. Bring on the Fire Pig. Oink!
Every time CNY rolls around, I dutifully scour the web for horoscope predictions for the coming year. Looking through what was written last year, I've realised that I read these things really quite selectively. I can remember reading the good stuff ("The Rat can expect much success at work this busy and satisfying year, with all the financial renumeration that entails. Although he feels oppressed by his many obligations, he industriously fulfills them."), but I definitely filtered out the negative stuff and the warnings ("However, a new love affair brings tension and the threat of a painful breakup unless the Rat learns to listen, becomes more giving, and exercises tolerance and understanding of his partner's real needs.").
This year, I'm reading through the predictions more carefully. I've read maybe 10 of them so far, with some common themes emerging:
(a) success in business and career,
(b) expansion of social networks, especially business contacts and friends, and
(c) a love affair that will excite me, but also "fog my usually clear mind" (haha).
In any case, I'm glad the Dog year is coming to an end. Although it's true that I've had a very full year with plenty of new experiences and accomplishments (I've learnt a lot at work this year), romantically it's been pretty much quite dire. And in this area, the Dog reared its ugly head even as the last days of the year ran out.
E. and I broke up about a week ago after I came back from Hongkong. Although I like him very much and still think there is some potential for us later, I'm clearly not ready yet for another relationship. Maybe it's because I'm not totally over the hump with the break-up with C. yet, but there's also a part of me that wants to play on, and this isn't really the right attitude for a relationship. I think E. probably realises all of this, but he perhaps cannot accept what this translates to on a daily basis (infidelities, for example). He feels deeply about love and relationships and is entitled to have one with someone who will give him what he wants and deserves. Maybe that person, right now, isn't me.
Feeling a little emotional on Valentine's Day, I emailed C.'s new guy E. to remind him how precious C. is (at least to me), attaching the V-Day tribute I wrote C. last year. This started an exchange of messages between us. I heard from friends that E. has been wanting to "make peace" between us, so I think he took this opportunity to try to reach out to me. I'm not sure if he succeeded, because though he put things nicely and apologised for causing me hurt, he also ended up lecturing me about love.
Maybe I'm just being bitchy and unkind to him. But I just find it a little disturbing that someone is telling his boyfriend's ex that he (a) got dumped and (b) cannot get over it, because he is (unlike me) selfish, weak and muddled about life and love. I'll assume that he means well (being a graduate of the Landmark Forum and all), but there is also every possibility (given what people have told me about him) that this is just power play on his part.
Anyway, a tumultous end to a tumultous year. Bring on the Fire Pig. Oink!
posted by rookcub at
8:56 PM
3 Comments:
For the record it's the golden pig year.
Er, I think the Fire Pig is also known as the Golden Pig. There are five elements in the Chinese zodiac: Earth, Water, Metal, Wood, Fire
interesting - and when you were living in england in the nineties, did you consult mystic meg before filling in your lottery numbers?
don't forget that talk talk song....
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