The night Tracey spoke to me

In case anyone is wondering, the new title of my blog - and the quote that accompanies it - is from a little-known Everything But The Girl b-side called "Horses In The Room". It was released just after the time Ben Watt from the group nearly died from some intestinal disorder and describes (I think) the strange mix of loneliness and hope he felt in his hospital bed. I understood the song better when I read his book "Patient".

It's the title of my new blog because I felt that the David Sylvian lyric of my old blog "Laughter And Forgetting" wasn't quite representative anymore of what I feel today about my life. I guess I like the idea of "throwing the windows open and letting the light from my room hit the pavement". Ok, a little over-dramatic, I know :)

EBTG is my favourite group in the world, which is strange because they are so British to the point of being insular. I used to grapple with this cultural identity crisis all the time: Why do I, a Chinese Singaporean, like a British duo so much that writes constantly about Oxford Street, Notting Hill Gate and abandoned shipyards in the north of England? Why am I so crazy as to hunt down every song they've recorded, and buy every single and album they've released? I dunno. It's partly to do with my obsession with music when I was a teenager growing up in the 80s, and partly to do with the strange way that the singer Tracey Thorn somehow speaks to me.

Speaking of speaking to me, she did -- once, at a concert. When I was studying in the UK, I went to their concerts every year that I was there. And in my final year, EBTG nostalgically decided to hold a special concert in the first venue they ever played at -- the London ICA. They would only sell 150 tickets, which was the total attendance for that first concert. I stayed up all night to phone in when the bookings opened and secured the tickets. I then wrote them a super-long and gushy fan letter about who I am and why I'm going to the concert.

On the night of the concert, in between songs, Tracey said something to this effect: "We get letters from fans all around the world and we got one recently from someone in Singapore, who is here in the audience tonight. And he said, dear Tracey and Ben, you guys always seem to play the same songs, like Apron Strings, but there are so many great songs on your albums that never get heard at concerts. So, then, here is a song that we've hardly ever played before..." And she launched into this song from their 1988 "Idlewild" album:

Shadow On A Harvest Moon
Everything But The Girl
Let me tell you about this torch I carry
It's not much of a career
And it won't make my fortune I fear
But it stays alight and won’t be buried
It’s brighter year-by-year
And someday it will surely disappear
When it does I’ll know I’ve laid to rest
The ghost of your unhappiness
That flits around from room to room
A widow on a honeymoon
A shadow on a harvest moon
So put away this torch you carry
For it's doing you no good
And surely you know by now that you should
And come the day you die or marry
Will you be understood
When you say that you wanted but never could
Turn your back and lay to rest
The ghost of your unhappiness
That flits around from room to room
A widow on a honey moon
A shadow on a harvest moon
I write these words to make them true,
"I've drowned my torch and so should you."