Moving On
It's 7am now in London. In 2 hours' time, I will be on a train to the airport, going back to Singapore. It was a really relaxed trip this time around and I didn't have the shadow of the break-up hanging over me so heavily. I had more time to reflect on my life as it is, and I think it's time to really move on.
I've come to realise that I've been adrift the days and weeks since March when we broke up. It's like that Beth Orton song says: "Every day is just like the day before, All alone a million miles from shore." Stuck in emotional limbo, not being able to move forward or back, I did many things, but with the unstated aim of not doing anything at all. I went travelling to London, Tokyo and Bangkok in quick succession. I've gone out with quite a few guys, had sex with even more, and spent a weekend with a local celebrity. You could say I've used this opportunity to check off quite a few items on life's To Do List, things I never would have experienced if I was still with C. In the process, I think I've come to a better understanding of who I am, even though I'm still not all that sure about what I want. But I think the soul searching has to come to an end at some point. And after three months of floating about hoping to come back to the same shore I left, I think it's time now to raise the sails or whatever, and set a different course.
The other thing I've realised, after going to a series of bear bars and clubs in London, is that I'm nowhere near big enough as I should be. Yesterday at the King's Arms I felt like a puny Asian, not helped by the fact that there was a big muscle Malaysian guy there that looked like a rugby player, but was only an ok size for the place. So no matter what anyone else says, I have to get bigger and I have decided that I must shoot for the 88kg mark this year like I originally planned. Eventually I will probably settle for a weight that's closer to 100kg I think. It's always been my childhood dream to be a massive, fat guy, now that I'm single must as well go for it while I still can.
I've come to realise that I've been adrift the days and weeks since March when we broke up. It's like that Beth Orton song says: "Every day is just like the day before, All alone a million miles from shore." Stuck in emotional limbo, not being able to move forward or back, I did many things, but with the unstated aim of not doing anything at all. I went travelling to London, Tokyo and Bangkok in quick succession. I've gone out with quite a few guys, had sex with even more, and spent a weekend with a local celebrity. You could say I've used this opportunity to check off quite a few items on life's To Do List, things I never would have experienced if I was still with C. In the process, I think I've come to a better understanding of who I am, even though I'm still not all that sure about what I want. But I think the soul searching has to come to an end at some point. And after three months of floating about hoping to come back to the same shore I left, I think it's time now to raise the sails or whatever, and set a different course.
The other thing I've realised, after going to a series of bear bars and clubs in London, is that I'm nowhere near big enough as I should be. Yesterday at the King's Arms I felt like a puny Asian, not helped by the fact that there was a big muscle Malaysian guy there that looked like a rugby player, but was only an ok size for the place. So no matter what anyone else says, I have to get bigger and I have decided that I must shoot for the 88kg mark this year like I originally planned. Eventually I will probably settle for a weight that's closer to 100kg I think. It's always been my childhood dream to be a massive, fat guy, now that I'm single must as well go for it while I still can.
posted by rookcub at
2:08 PM
2 Comments:
I know exactly what you mean (not about the weight, the other thing). But if there's anything I've learned since my own breakup, it's that you can't decide to move on and then do it. Sometimes life moves on without you and by the time you catch up, miraculously, you're so far ahead you couldn't even look back if you wanted to.
Of course it helps if you have distractions lah. :)
Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.
»
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home